Yesterday I heard some news that made me want to cut my own ears off and hurl the bloody mess at people’s faces. It’s taken me a solid 24 hours to pull myself back from the ledge and put my feelings into words.
Why?
Because apparently selfies are now responsible for murder.
I am sure you’ve seen by now the reports of a poor, defenceless Franciscana dolphin manhandled to death by a group of dumbass tourists, desperate for a “cute animal selfie” they could post and gloat about on their facebook pages.
This innocent creature was just plucked out of the ocean like a set of keys from a bowl and passed around a large group of smiling beach goers in Buenos Aires. Because of this, it died. As in, that innocent little dolphin is DEAD.
Now, I’m no marine biologist, but I’m pretty damn sure it’s common knowledge that, despite being mammals, dolphins kind of need water to live. They’re not puppies who can swim. They are water-dwelling creatures who require said water to keep their bodies hydrated, lest their thick, greasy skin essentially over heat and suffocate them.
But apparently, this fact was tossed out the window in place of a desperate need to fulfil vanity and validation.
Most people who know me know I am not a big fan of the selfie. I even wrote a thing about it a couple of years back. (Seriously, you should read it; it’s in my Archives. No, I’m not above self-promotion.)
On the other hand, I am definitely in favour of self-love and I realise selfies can sometimes play a part in this movement. So don’t worry, I get it.
But I am, however, desperately opposed to what is becoming a vapid and, frankly, disgusting obsession with validating our own image and, therefore, our lives. This need for acceptance and one-upping each other through posting on social media is a slippery slope that, until now, people liked to assure me was harmless because, “it’s not as if it’s killing anyone.”
WELL YOU ARE MISTAKEN MY FRIENDS!
A living thing has literally paid the ultimate price of gaining likes on Instagram.
Doesn’t that sound a little messed up to you?
I know my animal rights supporting-friends are already all over this like a rash; but for those who need a bit more convincing, think about this:
Dolphins are often placed third among animals in terms of intelligence (behind humans and chimpanzees) however, many new studies suggest that they may actually be closer to second place. Some biologists even refer to them as ‘non-human persons’. And lesbihonest, don’t you know a couple of human people who don’t even meet that criteria?
What I’m saying is that this animal had an intelligent brain. And feelings. And most likely felt a real sense of panic and terror at being tossed around like a beach ball. It makes me want to cry. And even though it happened in Argentina, I can’t say I didn’t think about the high likelihood of it happening right here in Oz.
Guys, can we maybe just put a lid on it?
In the spirit of Dry July and other such sacrificial movements, I’d like to propose an idea:
A day of no selfies.
One full day where no matter how damn good we look, or how on fleek our eyebrows are, we abstain from taking a picture of ourselves (and any other unsuspecting parties – animal or not) and instead, focus on simply enjoying the moment as it exists.
Walk out into the ocean and enjoy the salty water. If you happen to see an adorable sea creature minding its own business nearby, don’t hold it up next to your face, snap a picture and post it alongside fifteen hashtags. Observe and appreciate it before it swims home and store the memory away somewhere other than your camera roll. (In case you don’t know where that is, it’s your brain.)
You may be surprised at how much better it feels to keep the moment all for yourself.
Please, for the sake of the dolphins, could we just give it a try?
That's What She Said... 
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