Sophie Monk will soon be donning the sequinned gowns and going on a lot of boring picnics as Australia’s Bachelorette of 2017.
I am so very #Team Sophie now that the news is out. And not just because Popstars was pretty much my most favorite show of the early noughties.
For some reason though, it seems like I might be in the minority.
Honest to Osher, I actually did not see this coming at all. Granted, I haven’t spent too much time on my couch pondering the identity of this year’s Lady Bach – I save that blessed time for eating mee goreng and streaming Real Housewives of Auckland.
Of course I did still harbor some suspicions about Nikki Gogan and her many fascinators taking over the rose-shaped mantle from Bachie Love.
And there’s certainly a little part of me that’s disappointed Nicky won’t be getting her opportunity to find some lovely fireman/IT consultant/man-with-real-job (i.e. NOT a “ropes technician”) to flaunt in Richie’s boring face.
But I digress.
This decision by Channel 10 is, in my humble opinion, a total winner. I think Soph is going to make a queen of a Bachelorette (and if she doesn’t I will go back to TAFE and study “Rope Technology”). And to all them haters out there, here’s why:
To begin with, she’s 37.
Do you know how many outraged Facebook comments I saw that labelled her “too old”? MORE THAN I CARED FOR, I’LL GIVE YOU THE TIP!
And I call bullshit. (Also how very dare you.)
I hope I look like this at 37.
The fact is, she’s not some 20-something ingénue or upstart, claiming to own her own fitness company or fashion line, when really we all know she’s just very good at taking photos of herself not looking at the camera and putting them on Instagram. Sophie has had a solid and visible career in the music and media industries and, even more impressively, has managed to make it past 30 and remain culturally relevant – no easy feat for a woman.
And for once a television show is sending the message that women over 30 are actually desirable, loveable and interesting human beings! WHO WOULD EVER HAVE THOUGHT?!
Her age also means she’s had more time to dabble in the dating pool and experience the dizzying highs of love and the subsequently crushing lows of losing it; some of which she has done in full view of the public. (I’m still mad at you, Benji Madden!)
Before all you whipper snappers put on your outrage pants, I’m not saying that 20-somethings don’t know anything about love or relationships; I’m just saying that, mathematically, a woman in her mid-30’s has had a head start.
And yeah, maybe there is an argument to say that her appointment is somewhat unfair to all the everyday, non-famous applicants out there. But when you think about it, wouldn’t her experience in the spotlight mean she’s actually much better equipped to deal with the perverse invasion of her personal life (and the potential for it to go very badly)? And really, don’t Matty J, Sam Frost and Bachie Bananas all technically fall into that “celeb” category as well after each trying (and failing) to win their respective wife/husband competitions the first time around?
Sophie has a clear idea of what she wants and does not want; what she will and will not put up with. Combine this with an understanding of what people find entertaining and a habit of speaking before she thinks and, frankly, you’ve got some bloody good television, y’all. And isn’t that what we all came for?
And, side note, she’s funny AF.
People who’ve been throwing around accusations of “tacky” or “unclassy” her way clearly have not followed much of her time in the media. She’s a bona fide piss-taker and can deliver a one-liner like no one’s business.
She once said in an interview what basically erry lady has thought to herself at some point in her adult life; that she’s “…probably bad in bed actually. I think I’m dud.” (And if you haven’t ever thought this about yourself at least once, then can you please write to me and give me the name of your sexy confidence medicine, kthanx.)
She’s been accused of being stupid (just watch the Hard Chat video with Tom Gleeson for a start), but instead of getting upset about it, Sophie regularly comes out with some absolute bangers, like this one about her bike-riding nephew:
“He’s like Lance Armstrong … minus the drugs … plus the balls.”
In fact, I actually believe the woman is some kind of low-key genius after she explained she, “…got suspended for writing ‘I love Sophie’ on the desks to make the other boys think I was popular.”
I mean, why didn’t they put THAT advice in the Little Golden Books?!
And finally, not only did she dress up like a giant bird and sing in a giant cage, she has regularly made a right tit of herself on radio and television for viewer amusement. She even managed to make Kyle Sandilands look good during their stint together as co-hosts. Not. Easy. To. Do.
#birdchic
Look, maybe I’m biased because I have Poison on regular rotation on my Spotify playlist, but I honestly think this is a win for The Bachelorette series. It’s a win for glorious idiots like Sophie. A win for women over 30. And a win for us viewers.
So can we all just get on board and focus on what really matters – that she begins the first rose ceremony like this:
Don’t you treat me bad,
Don’t you make me sad.
Our love could be deep as the ocean.
Can we petition for group-Bachelorettes?
That's What She Said... 
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